Archive for the ‘Spoilers’ Category

We are sorry

For reasons too stupid to belive. This episode was delayed for several months. To the point that it is now our 1st year anivesary (Hey man, it’s kind of like an episode a month…kind of.) In this episode we review OURSELVESS YO! And , surprise surprise, we suck. and we are deeply sorry.

We are sorry.

Sorry.

Look were sorry man! we tried our best to please you and it didn’t work out and we are sorry, you should have known that we were in alpha…OH SHIT WE JUST INSULTED THE READER! CRAP! FIDDLESTICKS! We’re sorry we insulted you, we didn’t mean it! We just like to think we’re cool and smart-witted! We’re sorry! It won’t happen again! How many times do we have to say it!

Sorry!Sorry!Sorrry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!We sorry!!Sorry!Kowenisai!Sorry!Apologize!Forgiveuslad!Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrtysorrysootysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!

WE ARE SORRY!!!!

THE END

POST-MORTEM

Episode No.11

Title: “We Suck”

Length: 1:08.50

Intro: Some kickass Stinger we got custom-made from Mathew Hawkins

Comercial Break  #1:“Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Comercial Break #2: Another kickass stinger by Mathew Hawkins

Outro:“On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

Date Recorded: August 2012

Date Released: 10-5-12

Date the Press Release was Released: 10-16-12

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OGAP ALPHA EP-o08 – Drive Down The River, Not Across It

Following their most popular episode to date. P&R follow Daryl’s advice and review Drive, and Drive Angry Shot In 3D Starring Nicholas Cage, and they proceed to fill the review with pregnant pauses and murderous rage…*sigh

THIS SHOW IS ABOUT

Patrick snorting some Drive

We tell you something some people don’t want to hear. That Drive is an excellent movie. While it has very little driving in it (much to that one lady’s dismay) It is dripping with style and gore from every pore. While it doesn’t have a ton of violence. What is there is pretty amazing. And pretty painful, it hurts to just think about it (oww).

“No cage can keep Nic in for long”

After an indeterminable amount of time (WHO KNOWS? THEY COULD HAVE JUST EDITED OUT THE PART WHERE THEY WENT TO THE HOSPITAL) they reviewed Drive Angry Shot In 3D. This movie…is fucking nuts! There is copious amounts of sex, violence, sex and violence. shitty(read: awesome) CG, and bludgeoning that would rival any exploitative film. This is BEFORE Nic Cage comes in. Which makes it the best movie of 2011.

THE HOSTS

Patrick George Jones

You can follow this speed addict on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick suffers a massive injury by having his wrists slashed by The Rouge 37. Forcing him to go to the hospital in between recordings and making him unable to write the press release for this episode for several months because he had to go through physical therapy with an ex-baseball star to get his wrists working again. We will never forget his sacrifice. Never forgive, never forget.

The Rouge 37

You can follow this homicidal manic on twitter @TheRouge37

Rouge lives up to his name by attacking the co-hosts not once! Not twice!! BUT EIGHT TIMES!!! Killing one host and sending the other to the hospital. It is a most dangerous game here on OGAP

You cannot follow this frog on twitter because he is dead. Not because he’s a puppet, with no sentience or free will. But because he’s dead. We won’t be seeing him again.

Due to SOMEONE *coughs* ROUGE 37 *coughs* The racist pedophile Mr.Frog was killed live on tape. Making this the first snuff audio podcast ever recorded. But maybe Mr. Frog was asking for it, wearing all that slutty makeup. Maybe…

THE END

POSTMORTEM

Episode No.008

Title: Drive Down The River, Not Across It

Episode Length: 1:03:47

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial Break #1″: Nightcall” by Kavinsky

Commercial Break #2: “A Real Hero” by College & Electric Youth

Commercial Break #3: Nothing. Just dead silence

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: (OGAP/iTunes) MP3 (Soundcloud) AIFF

Date Recorded: 2-18-12

Date Released: 2-20-12

Date When The Press Release Was Released: 5-22-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-007 – 21st Century Killing Machines

Multitasking taken to its ultimate conclusion

 

In the longest (and best?) episode yet. P&R (separated by a snowstorm) acquire much needed ethical diversity to the podcast by bringing in Daryl Surat of the Anime World Order podcast to review Bulletstorm and Saints Row The Third. Strap It On.

THIS SHOW IS ABOUT

The GOTY's

We all talk about our favorite games from the recently deceased 2011, and P&R’s facade about how they played all the good games of 2011, are shatterd. Because while Pat and Rouge can only name around 4 or 5; Daryl names off like about 8 or 10. We here at OGAP do not have to worry about us losing our professional amateurism badge, anytime soon.

We review the game that everybody brushed off as Juvenile, Stupid, and “A GAME GIVES ME TOO MUCH CONTROL-ICAN’TTHINKFORMYSELFGETTHISTHINGOUTTAHERE!”; Bulletstorm. We laud the storm of bullets as a very fun, strategic game, that’s a fantastic satire of first person shooters. Hopefully as a result, more people will play this game, because as of this writing it’s like $20 on Steam.

We also review Saints Row The Third. You should play Saints Row The Third.

THE HOSTS

Patrick George Jones

You can follow Baby Jones on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick realizes that his entire life is nothing more than a lie. But NOT EVEN THAT, is enough to stop Baby Jones from reviewing Saints Row 3 and Bulletstorm.

His favorite games of 2011 were

  • Bulletstorm
  • Saints Row The Third
  • Portal 2
  • Catherine
  • Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Resistance 3
  • The Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim

ROUGE 37

You can follow this hand on twitter @TheRouge37

 Rouge talked to Daryl for minutes thinking that Daryl is Pat Jones. Even though they sound nothing alike. But then–during the conference call on skype–Rouge must have forgotten who he was and changed his own  profile name to Pat Jones. Everyone wants to be Pat Jones apparently…

Rouge’s favorite games of 2011 are

  • Bulletstorm
  • Minecraft
  • Portal 2
  • Saints Row The Third

AND A VERY SPECIAL GUEST STAR

Daryl Surat

You can follow the bat and/or the skeleton on twitter @DarylSurat

 P&R bring much needed ethical diversity & credibility to this episode by recruiting Daryl Surat –One of the co-hosts of the biggest anime podcasts on the internet– to review video games. And Daryl sure shows those Professional Amateurs who’s boss.

Because he has multiple favorite games from 2011, unlike us.

  • Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Batman: Arkham City
  • F.3.A.R.
  • Bulletstorm
  • Shadows of the Damned
  • Warhammer 4oK: Space Marine
  • Saints Row The Third
  • The Witcher 2
  • Tatics Orge
  • And he probably has more, but we had to stop him because we got upset at ourselves for not playing these games…

THE END

POST-MORTEM

Episode No.007

Title: “21st Century Killing Machines”

Length: 1:51:28

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial Breaks 1-3: “Power” by Kanye West

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3(iTunes/OGAP) AIFF(Soundcloud)

Date Recorded: 1-21-12

Date Released: 1-23-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-006 – Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

FUS ROH DA! In the first episode of the podcast where we review a VIDEO GAME, we review a video game called The Elder Scrolls 5: SKYRIM. Is it kwel? Is it sexist? IS IT RACIST? Is Patrick just being hateful? Listen to find out.

THIS SHOW IS ABOUT

SCROLLS 5: SKYRIM

THE OGAP reviews the game that self-diagnosed Aspergers around the internet have been celebrating for months, Skyrim. But apparently, P&R don’t  liek it. APPARENTLY, P&R like games that are well put together, engaging, and have an ending, and APPARENTLY SKYRIM IS NOT A GREAT GAME!!!111! AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO THINK THAT GAMES LIKE SAINTS ROW THE THIRD THE BASTION AND PORTAL TOO ARE BETTER THAN A GAME THAT LETS U CUT OFF PEOPLES HEADS AND MOUNT THEM ON THE WALL!!1!

THE HOSTS

Patrick George Jones

You can follow this serial accuser on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

 Patrick calls out a lot of people on the internet for rewarding bad behavior, and it will probable come back to bite him in the ass. And we learn that he doesn’t like stuff to go on forever; but that’s because he is a HATEFUL MAN. That also probably explains his poor taste.

You can follow Ganondork on twitter @TheRouge37

 ROUGE 37 FINALLY GETS A MONOLOGUE , and; while he agrees with Pat on how SKYRIMS BAD. He likes games that can go on forever (like Minecraft) and he thinks that Patrick has questionable tastes…

THE END

POST-MORTEM

Episode No. 006

Title: Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

Length: 1:29:44

Intro: “Dragonborn” by Jermey Soule

Commercial Break #1: “EPIC SKYRIM RAP” by Dan Bull

Commercial Break #2: “Shout” by the Isley Brothers

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3(OGAP/iTunes) AIFF (Soundcloud)

Date Recorded/Released: 1-16-12