Archive for the ‘OGAP ALPHA’ Category

We are sorry

For reasons too stupid to belive. This episode was delayed for several months. To the point that it is now our 1st year anivesary (Hey man, it’s kind of like an episode a month…kind of.) In this episode we review OURSELVESS YO! And , surprise surprise, we suck. and we are deeply sorry.

We are sorry.


Look were sorry man! we tried our best to please you and it didn’t work out and we are sorry, you should have known that we were in alpha…OH SHIT WE JUST INSULTED THE READER! CRAP! FIDDLESTICKS! We’re sorry we insulted you, we didn’t mean it! We just like to think we’re cool and smart-witted! We’re sorry! It won’t happen again! How many times do we have to say it!

Sorry!Sorry!Sorrry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!We sorry!!Sorry!Kowenisai!Sorry!Apologize!Forgiveuslad!Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrtysorrysootysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!




Episode No.11

Title: “We Suck”

Length: 1:08.50

Intro: Some kickass Stinger we got custom-made from Mathew Hawkins

Comercial Break  #1:“Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Comercial Break #2: Another kickass stinger by Mathew Hawkins

Outro:“On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

Date Recorded: August 2012

Date Released: 10-5-12

Date the Press Release was Released: 10-16-12


OGAP ALPHA EP-009 – Drawing The Line For Quality Podcasts Since 2011

Imagine, a paper flamethrower…

In the shortest (and worst?) podcast yet. P&R review Ghost Rider (Spirit Of Vengence) and *snirks* Redline.


Holy shit that is a good poster

We continue the driving theme with Ghost Rider Spirt Of Vengence. Unlike the last two movies, this has a substainsal amount of driving in it, and it dosen’t blantently lie about it. Directed by Neveldeen/Taylor (The Crank guys) and starring Nicolas Cage (who’ve we mentioned last episode), Ghost Rider: SOV is a Pop Art-Drama-Horror Story and was the best movie of the year at that time (untill Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer comes)

This guy gives our review the thumbs up. If only he knew…IF ONLY HE KNEW!!

Then we review Redline…*snirks* goddammit could not say that with a straight face. We “review” Redline with a line. “It’s good” This is easily our worst review ever. Which is incredibly sad in retrospect, because Redline is amazing, easily one of the best movies to come out in a long, long time. But we crossed the line this time, because were pretty sure we pissed off Gerald of the Anime World Oder podcast, we can’t blame him, especially since we said we have the better rape face.


You can follow Pat the Painter on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick draws the line for short podcasts this episode clocking in at a little over half an hour (only to tragically cross the line next episode). If you were pissed at the Redline review, it was all his idea.

You can follow this puking skull on twitter @TheRouge37

Rouge may not have came up with the idea for fucking over the Redline. But Rouge let it happen.

“All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing …”

-Edmund Burke



Episode No.009

Title: Drawing The Line For Quality Podcasts Since 2011

Length: 38:37

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial Break #1: “(Ghost) Riders In The Sky: A Cowboy Legend” by Johnny Cash

Commercial Break # 2 REDLINE Title by James Shimoji

Commercial Break #3 “REDLINE DAY(feat. Rob Laufer)” by James Shimoji

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

Date Recorded: 3/24/12

Date Released: 3/26/12

Date The Press Release Was Realeased: 6/7/12

OGAP ALPHA EP-o08 – Drive Down The River, Not Across It

Following their most popular episode to date. P&R follow Daryl’s advice and review Drive, and Drive Angry Shot In 3D Starring Nicholas Cage, and they proceed to fill the review with pregnant pauses and murderous rage…*sigh


Patrick snorting some Drive

We tell you something some people don’t want to hear. That Drive is an excellent movie. While it has very little driving in it (much to that one lady’s dismay) It is dripping with style and gore from every pore. While it doesn’t have a ton of violence. What is there is pretty amazing. And pretty painful, it hurts to just think about it (oww).

“No cage can keep Nic in for long”

After an indeterminable amount of time (WHO KNOWS? THEY COULD HAVE JUST EDITED OUT THE PART WHERE THEY WENT TO THE HOSPITAL) they reviewed Drive Angry Shot In 3D. This movie…is fucking nuts! There is copious amounts of sex, violence, sex and violence. shitty(read: awesome) CG, and bludgeoning that would rival any exploitative film. This is BEFORE Nic Cage comes in. Which makes it the best movie of 2011.


Patrick George Jones

You can follow this speed addict on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick suffers a massive injury by having his wrists slashed by The Rouge 37. Forcing him to go to the hospital in between recordings and making him unable to write the press release for this episode for several months because he had to go through physical therapy with an ex-baseball star to get his wrists working again. We will never forget his sacrifice. Never forgive, never forget.

The Rouge 37

You can follow this homicidal manic on twitter @TheRouge37

Rouge lives up to his name by attacking the co-hosts not once! Not twice!! BUT EIGHT TIMES!!! Killing one host and sending the other to the hospital. It is a most dangerous game here on OGAP

You cannot follow this frog on twitter because he is dead. Not because he’s a puppet, with no sentience or free will. But because he’s dead. We won’t be seeing him again.

Due to SOMEONE *coughs* ROUGE 37 *coughs* The racist pedophile Mr.Frog was killed live on tape. Making this the first snuff audio podcast ever recorded. But maybe Mr. Frog was asking for it, wearing all that slutty makeup. Maybe…



Episode No.008

Title: Drive Down The River, Not Across It

Episode Length: 1:03:47

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial Break #1″: Nightcall” by Kavinsky

Commercial Break #2: “A Real Hero” by College & Electric Youth

Commercial Break #3: Nothing. Just dead silence

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: (OGAP/iTunes) MP3 (Soundcloud) AIFF

Date Recorded: 2-18-12

Date Released: 2-20-12

Date When The Press Release Was Released: 5-22-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-007 – 21st Century Killing Machines

Multitasking taken to its ultimate conclusion


In the longest (and best?) episode yet. P&R (separated by a snowstorm) acquire much needed ethical diversity to the podcast by bringing in Daryl Surat of the Anime World Order podcast to review Bulletstorm and Saints Row The Third. Strap It On.


The GOTY's

We all talk about our favorite games from the recently deceased 2011, and P&R’s facade about how they played all the good games of 2011, are shatterd. Because while Pat and Rouge can only name around 4 or 5; Daryl names off like about 8 or 10. We here at OGAP do not have to worry about us losing our professional amateurism badge, anytime soon.

We review the game that everybody brushed off as Juvenile, Stupid, and “A GAME GIVES ME TOO MUCH CONTROL-ICAN’TTHINKFORMYSELFGETTHISTHINGOUTTAHERE!”; Bulletstorm. We laud the storm of bullets as a very fun, strategic game, that’s a fantastic satire of first person shooters. Hopefully as a result, more people will play this game, because as of this writing it’s like $20 on Steam.

We also review Saints Row The Third. You should play Saints Row The Third.


Patrick George Jones

You can follow Baby Jones on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick realizes that his entire life is nothing more than a lie. But NOT EVEN THAT, is enough to stop Baby Jones from reviewing Saints Row 3 and Bulletstorm.

His favorite games of 2011 were

  • Bulletstorm
  • Saints Row The Third
  • Portal 2
  • Catherine
  • Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Resistance 3
  • The Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim


You can follow this hand on twitter @TheRouge37

 Rouge talked to Daryl for minutes thinking that Daryl is Pat Jones. Even though they sound nothing alike. But then–during the conference call on skype–Rouge must have forgotten who he was and changed his own  profile name to Pat Jones. Everyone wants to be Pat Jones apparently…

Rouge’s favorite games of 2011 are

  • Bulletstorm
  • Minecraft
  • Portal 2
  • Saints Row The Third


Daryl Surat

You can follow the bat and/or the skeleton on twitter @DarylSurat

 P&R bring much needed ethical diversity & credibility to this episode by recruiting Daryl Surat –One of the co-hosts of the biggest anime podcasts on the internet– to review video games. And Daryl sure shows those Professional Amateurs who’s boss.

Because he has multiple favorite games from 2011, unlike us.

  • Deus Ex: Human Revolution
  • Batman: Arkham City
  • F.3.A.R.
  • Bulletstorm
  • Shadows of the Damned
  • Warhammer 4oK: Space Marine
  • Saints Row The Third
  • The Witcher 2
  • Tatics Orge
  • And he probably has more, but we had to stop him because we got upset at ourselves for not playing these games…



Episode No.007

Title: “21st Century Killing Machines”

Length: 1:51:28

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial Breaks 1-3: “Power” by Kanye West

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3(iTunes/OGAP) AIFF(Soundcloud)

Date Recorded: 1-21-12

Date Released: 1-23-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-006 – Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

FUS ROH DA! In the first episode of the podcast where we review a VIDEO GAME, we review a video game called The Elder Scrolls 5: SKYRIM. Is it kwel? Is it sexist? IS IT RACIST? Is Patrick just being hateful? Listen to find out.



THE OGAP reviews the game that self-diagnosed Aspergers around the internet have been celebrating for months, Skyrim. But apparently, P&R don’t  liek it. APPARENTLY, P&R like games that are well put together, engaging, and have an ending, and APPARENTLY SKYRIM IS NOT A GREAT GAME!!!111! AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO THINK THAT GAMES LIKE SAINTS ROW THE THIRD THE BASTION AND PORTAL TOO ARE BETTER THAN A GAME THAT LETS U CUT OFF PEOPLES HEADS AND MOUNT THEM ON THE WALL!!1!


Patrick George Jones

You can follow this serial accuser on twitter @Whats_Ur_Name

 Patrick calls out a lot of people on the internet for rewarding bad behavior, and it will probable come back to bite him in the ass. And we learn that he doesn’t like stuff to go on forever; but that’s because he is a HATEFUL MAN. That also probably explains his poor taste.

You can follow Ganondork on twitter @TheRouge37

 ROUGE 37 FINALLY GETS A MONOLOGUE , and; while he agrees with Pat on how SKYRIMS BAD. He likes games that can go on forever (like Minecraft) and he thinks that Patrick has questionable tastes…



Episode No. 006

Title: Pat Jonez is Just a Hateful Man

Length: 1:29:44

Intro: “Dragonborn” by Jermey Soule

Commercial Break #1: “EPIC SKYRIM RAP” by Dan Bull

Commercial Break #2: “Shout” by the Isley Brothers

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3(OGAP/iTunes) AIFF (Soundcloud)

Date Recorded/Released: 1-16-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-005 – Kinect for Xbox, Trolls, and Santa Claus


In the first episode of the last new year. Patrick and Rouge review the Kinect for Xbox 360. And their credibility is called into serious questioning…


"I Know where you live..."

"I know what you did last night..."

"You have been a bad boy, OGAP..."

Get this thing outta here.


Patrick George Jones

The Otaku

You can follow this ungrateful "cripple" on twitter, @Whats_Ur_Name

 Patrick did not disappoint this episode. His story of misgiving would have been sad, If he wasn’t A UNGRATEFUL BITCH WHO YELLS AT HIS MOTHER FOR GIVING HIM SOCKS. And apparently, the Kinect crippled him, but IF HE WASN’T WEARING ALL THAT SLUTTY CLOTHING, THEN MAYBE HE WOULD STOP TRIPPING OVER HIS TIE AND STUMBLING UPON THE GROUND.


You can follow the laughing man on twitter, @TheRouge37

Rouge laughs a lot in this episode…and that’s about it.



Episode No.005

Title: “Kinect for Xbox, Trolls, and Santa Claus”

Length: 54:45

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial break 1: “Connect -Game Instrumental-” by Kajiura Yuki

Commercial break 2: “Honeys In The Place” by Aaron Wheeler, Ben Wheeler, & Nigel Thompson

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3 (iTunes/OGAP) AIFF (Soundcloud)

Date recorded: 1-6-12

Date released: 1-10-12

OGAP ALPHA EP-004 – Rage Against The Machines: iPhone 4 Directors Cut


In the 5th(?) episode of OGAP ALPHA. We review the iPhone 4S, and iOS 5. Pre-reqiusite WARNING! This episode contains profanity, sexism, and RAGE! As such, it is offensive…to everyone.


Yes, the OGAP crew finally releases an episode, and its about the iPhone 5 iPhone 4$, We pretty much talk about everything everyone has already talked about, chief among them is Siri, the humble electronic assistant, and we proceed to ask it questions that everyone already asked it, two months ago. If you had the iPhone 3GS and are due for an upgrade, you should get the 4$, if not, then be a little patient and wait for the next iPhone

We played rage. Did you?

Surprisingly enough, we talked about the game RAGE(Which we were going to originally talk about, but scrapped the idea), and it’s not very good. We also talked about stories of irony, rejection,  FLASH, and everything else that makes us play RAGE.


Patrick George Jones

You can follow this terminally single man on twitter, @Whats_Ur_Name

Patrick spent the interim between episodes growing out his No Shave November(TM) beard & mustache. During the episode, we find out that Pat Jonez is a very depressed individual, someone aught to drug him up with some Abilify(R)


You can follow this professional photographer on twitter, @TheRouge37

In this episode, we learn that Mr. 37 is a PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER. That must explain why he is so enthused with the 4$, because it takes excellent pictures (unless you use the flash). Hopefully he won’t regret his purchase of the 4$, but you should always bet on buyers remorse.


At least it knows it's name

 Siri, the humble personal assistant, dazzled us with all of its powers, such as where to stash bodies, telling the meaning of life, and calling you an ambulance. We feel bad for dragging her out here to do everything that the internet already did six months ago, but what else were we going to talk about? RAGE?



Episode No.004

Title:  “Rage Against The Machines: iPhone 4 Directors Cut”

Length: 1:11:44

Intro: “Bombshell” by Powerman 5000

Commercial breaks 1 & 2: “Rolling In The Deep” by ADELE

Outro: “On the Seventh Day” by David Marriott

File: MP3 (OGAP/iTunes) AIFF (Soundcloud)

Date recorded: 12-3-11

Date released: 12-6-11